Growing up as a non Mormon behind the Zion curtain causes religion to be the central part of your life too. It permeated every membrane of my being, both good and bad. I found myself wanting to have that connection I saw other people having. I wanted to feel like I belonged, that I was an insider.
And I brought my family along for the ride. My son has this incredibly comfortable as an old tee shirt type of faith that I can only aspire to. Mine, I’ve got to work at it. It’s like if you’re a poser, trying to fit in. You can dress like them, talk like them, act like them but you’ll never be them. I’ll never be part of that inn crowd.
I’m at the point in my life where I don’t have the time or energy to force things that aren’t there. If it isn’t coming naturally, it’s not happening. I’ve got too many other balls in the air to juggle and I’m not adding to the circus act. My son isn’t a churchy kid. He likes church, just not being there. It’s hard due to sensory issues, and my soul is sickened over all the years I forced him to go. He finds God in all sorts of other ways. I’m experiencing a deeper spiritual connection than I ever did in the church walls.