Alone

  
I’ve been called anti social, a freak and a loner. All of those things are true, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I am perfectly comfortable doing things on my own without a cadre of social support. The rugged individual archetype-that’s me.

The truth is, life’s too short to spend it trying to convince others to do things with me. I have a few really great friends who have been part of this crazy journey for over a quarter of a century. We all dig the same stuff-music, art, indie film, books, a little thrifting thrown in for good measure-and I’m glad that I have safe spaces. 

  
Most of all, I like to be alone. I value my solitude, and I need it as part of my day to recharge my batteries. I like going to the gym, alone. I like going to Cinema Falls, alone. I like going for hikes, alone (with my wonder twins). Sure I can include others in this, but I choose not to. 

Even at home, I go off for solitude. Luckily my kiddo also has that same personality quirk, and we get each other. When I come home after my day, I need about 15-20 minutes to de-stress. I get a cup of coffee, go in my room, get changed and put on music. 

One of my favorite quotes is that I’m alone, but not lonely. 

I used to fight this part of my nature, obviously not very well. When I’ve tried to ingratiate myself with others in social events…it is draining. I don’t do the small talk thing well. Most of my favorite topics are not cocktail party fair. I don’t really watch tv, so I’m out of the loop on most cultural touchstones. I recently spent 20 minutes of my life I won’t ever get back listening to someone comparing all the women on the bachelor. I really tried to be engaged, but my mind wandered…and it never really came back to the conversation. 

Despite this curmudgeonly appearance, I really do like people. I smile at strangers. I’ll chat with people in line at a store. I’m not all doom and gloom, anti social angst girl. I’m usually friendly and I make small talk with cashiers, waiters, etc because most of the time, others don’t. I paid my way through college working at A&P, first as a cashier, then as a bookkeeper. I know first hand how rude and degrading people can be. I’ve also waited tables as a second job. This is the number one reason why I always over tip. I know how hard it is to hustle. I’m not too far removed from that world to think I’m beyond it. It’s in your bones, your blood, your DNA.

  
I also know that in a heartbeat, my whole world can change and I can be right back to waiting tables or mixing drinks. No matter how far you’ve come, it’s never too far to go full circle. 

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